A Certain Lens

Again, I think of the "certain lens" subject. In my last post, I wrote about Juan (I'm pretty sure everyone who cares has seen the episode by now), and how Rodrigo buries him in The Borgia's. Rodrigo, the only person who seems truly heartbroken that his son has died, carries Juan outside and buries him. But the body Rodrigo sees is not his adult child. He sees Juan as a little boy, dead in his arms.

Sometimes, I feel like I am ruled by nightmares. Only they aren't happening at night. They are happening during the day. And I see certain people through those nightmares. It's like in The Hunger Games series, where the Capitol has the ability to "hijack" people. They give them trackerjack venom (the venom of ultra poisonous bees. It has the ability to make people very paranoid and suspicious). They can actually distort your feelings for people by showing you images of that person while you have trackerjack venom inside of you. That way you see the person through a very frightened and suspicious lens, and you can be turned against that person.

I think I've been hijacked sometimes. I have such bad memories, and I can't stop seeing some people in a certain light (and it's not a good one). I wish my memories could be hijacked in a good way.

Music, Tears, and the Borgias

I was watching The Borgias season finale. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. One of the scene's in the finale is so touching that you would have to be stone not to feel something. If you haven't watched it, it is a scene where someone is being buried. I don't cry at funerals, and I don't cry in movies. But this sccene made me tear up.

I think the saddest part, the part that made me feel remorse, was how the burial was depicted. The person buried is shown (metaphorically) in the way that he is viewed by the person burying him (and not how he looks in reality).

We all see everyone through a certain lens. And that lens is different for everyone. We all have a unique set of eyes that we see things through. I need to remember that.

Re-Traumatizing?

I have decided to give blogging a whirl...so here it goes.  Thought it might be fun. Hopefully, I will improve as time goes on.

Today's topic: Why do people tend to re-traumatize themselves over and over again?

I ask that question, because I don't know why I re-traumatize myself. I think the average person reading this will think, I don't re-traumatize myself over and over again! You must be talking about yourself. But I was watching Dr. Drew, and he says this many times, that humans are unique in that we are the only beings on this planet that actually tend to re-traumatize themselves.  When we experience a trauma, we bring that trauma back over and over again. I guess it would be like PTSD. Only instead of having flashbacks, people are trying to recreate the same bad set of circumstances over and over again. If you had mommy issues growing up, then you may end up marrying someone with all the same bad qualities as your mother. If you have a traumatic relationship with a bad boyfriend, then you may end up with a whole string of bad boyfriends afterwards.

Try new things. Take a different route. I need to use that philosophy for myself more often than not.